i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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