Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize