kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
