Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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