trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize