I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
