I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Two words: blizzard sex
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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