You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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