Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
