Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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