so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry my hands just texted you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
