chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
