she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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