just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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