you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
