my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
