it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
