He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
