Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
