my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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