My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
