he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
