When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
