Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
