She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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