so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
