He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
