woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
