my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize