I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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