I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize