dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
