normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she peed on how many people?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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