just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
