I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
