Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
