I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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