i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
