Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
