you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I checked into jail on foursquare
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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