tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
