Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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