we have officially lost it.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
