Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
