Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
