Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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