ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
