Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
