Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
