clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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