End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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