hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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