Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
