I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize