My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
