it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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