Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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