your parents love me but you hate me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
