If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
