I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
