when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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