Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
