I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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