I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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