Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
