this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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