hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize