I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
