From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
