worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
