people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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