it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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