I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
