Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
