i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
