the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
