Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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