he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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