you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
