Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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