There is no way he is gay with that hair.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
